


Autoclave

by Seven_tan



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Gender Neutral MC - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Other, V has a panic attack, abuse mention, some spoilers I guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-17
Updated: 2016-09-17
Packaged: 2018-08-15 11:40:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8054863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seven_tan/pseuds/Seven_tan
Summary: Your hands were so warm when they touched my face, so soft. “I’m sorry,” I said, choked, like these were the last words I’d ever get to say to you. “I never meant to put you in danger. I never meant for any of this to happen.”





	Autoclave

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from the song Autoclave by The Mountain Goats lol

“I’m sorry.”

My hands had been shaking through the entire ride home from the hospital, my throat strangled with anxiety and panic, but the moment we stepped through the door to your apartment words immediately stumbled out of my mouth. 

Your hands were so warm when they touched my face, so soft. “I’m sorry,” I said again, choked, like these were the last words I’d ever get to say to you. “I never meant to put you in danger. I never meant for any of this to happen.”

I could hear her voice in my head, laughing at me, scolding me: It’s all your fault, Rika mocked, you couldn’t protect her just like you couldn’t protect me, you’re so useless, useless Jihyun. I know, it’s absurd. Hearing the dead, how foolish. How pathetic, to still hear her voice almost two years after she killed herself, after she injured me so severely.

“It’s not your fault, V.” Your voice was soft, earnest, close and quiet. “I chose to be here, by your side. Even now,” you took my hand, moved it over the rough patches of bandages on your forearm, neck, and face. “even now, I want to stay here with you.”

My vision blurred further, obscuring my limited view of you entirely. I don’t remember what happened after, what I said to you. Did I beg you to stay? Did I tell you to leave? Had I said anything, anything other than your name? All I know is that suddenly, your arms were around my neck, pressing me down gently. Your sweater was soft against my cheek, I couldn’t tell the colour, what you looked like in it, what you looked like at all. My cane clattered against the hardwood as it fell. 

“I don’t-” ‘deserve you’ stayed caught between my teeth, stuck in my throat. “I-” want to see you? Want you to be the first thing I see after a year of darkness, want to get better, get the surgery to repair my damaged eyes so I can see you every day? My head swam, thoughts running wildly through my head as i clutched your shoulders.

“-love you. I love you. I’m sorry.” 

I still can’t believe that that’s what stumbled out of my mouth, but it’s probably the truest thing I’ve ever said to you. You ran your fingers through the hair at the base of my neck, murmured soft words against my forehead as you pressed my face to your shoulder. It felt like being suckerpunched, worse than anything that Rika ever put me through, the best thing I’ve ever felt. You were a breath of the cleanest, sweetest air I’ve ever tasted. You were taller than I’d imagined, almost as tall as me, stiff with pain and slightly woozy from medication, and the thick blackout glasses I worse pressed into my face uncomfortably, but you were so warm, so soft that I grabbed onto you like a lifeline, smearing salt water into your sweater. 

Warm breath ruffled my hair as you spoke to me. “We’ll get through this, V.” you soothe, and I wanted to protest, to tell you that whatever we become will be tainted by my past, that I’m too broken to be fixed, that you deserve so much more than someone like me. All I could manage was a soft, strangled noise, shaken and stripped raw. “I’m with you. I’m here. Breathe, I love you,” you sighed into my hair like you weren’t tearing strips off of me just holding me like this. 

It feels strange to get comfort from something like that, something so tactile and cathartic as crying in someone else’s arms. Now I think that I should have been slightly ashamed or embarrassed of that kind of panicked display, but all I could feel at the time was gratefulness and joy. I could barely believe that we had both made it through everything that happened. 

I don’t know how long we stood there, clinging to each other, but eventually we pulled apart. I unclenched my hands, ran one down your arm until I reached your fingertips, lacing them with my own. You squeezed my hand gently, and I felt my face lift into a shaky smile. 

Logically, I know that what Rika did will stay with me, that it will take a long time to recover from that kind of abuse, and that it won’t be an easy road, but when I came home with you that day, I knew from there that more than anything else I wanted to recover with your support. I want to be by your side. 

“Thank you,” I said, quiet, reverent. “Thank you.”

**Author's Note:**

> I would have loved to write more. This was an exercise in not writing 2039482034 words of H/C because I had a word limit for an assignment that I...actually went over anyway lmfao. oh well


End file.
